I am puke
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
