Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
