I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sext me about skeletons
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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