i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Girls should come with a carfax report
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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