david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
