I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
