He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
