taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
