no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
