its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize