i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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