I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
