We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
