She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
