ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
