I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
