Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think i got beer on your cat.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
