Umm I'm too high to move.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
