if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
