Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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