using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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