I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
