my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize