Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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