2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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