I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
