So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've blown a few things in my day
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
