had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
