morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
