WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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