Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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