highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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