STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
