so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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