..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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