I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
