If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
