Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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