she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
