It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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