I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
