I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
