It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
