You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
