Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So here I am, sexting at work.
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