so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
