do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
