If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
