i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
