so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
