Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
