i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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