I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
