Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
