a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
