JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
