Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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