hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
