Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
