If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
