The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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