party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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