Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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