so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
