dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
