Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I need moral support for this bender
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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