So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
