Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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