You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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