my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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