Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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