This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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