I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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