Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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