yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
