remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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