Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
