youre lurking in front of me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
