why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
